Drinking at every bar in Petco Park during a single ballgame

It’s a September Sunday afternoon and the San Diego Padres are now just playing out the string in another losing season. Today, they are taking on the Arizona Diamondbacks, who are technically, mathematically, still hanging on in the race for a wild card spot after beating the Padres the previous two nights. Still, there are reasons for a real baseball fan to come out to the ballpark. The Padres are giving playing time to some of their promising prospects and, as they say, at any given baseball game you may see something you’ve never seen before. But I was here for Friday’s 9-0 loss and I’ve got tickets for the three remaining home games against the Dodgers next week. You know what I’ve never seen before? The inside of the .394 Bar on the terrace level. Maybe it’s a good day to take in a couple innings on the TV there. Or to catch a couple innings in the sun on the patio at the Wonderland bar, on the upper level. Maybe it’s a good day to have a drink at all the bars in Petco Park. You know what else I’ve never seen before? Baseball jail, the rumored holding cells for drunks and streakers deep below the stands.

It’s a September Sunday afternoon and the San Diego Padres are now just playing out the string in another losing season. Today, they are taking on the Arizona Diamondbacks, who are technically, mathematically, still hanging on in the race for a wild card spot after beating the Padres the previous two nights. Still, there are reasons for a real baseball fan to come out to the ballpark. The Padres are giving playing time to some of their promising prospects and, as they say, at any given baseball game you may see something you’ve never seen before. But I was here for Friday’s 9-0 loss and I’ve got tickets for the three remaining home games against the Dodgers next week. You know what I’ve never seen before? The inside of the .394 Bar on the terrace level. Maybe it’s a good day to take in a couple innings on the TV there. Or to catch a couple innings in the sun on the patio at the Wonderland bar, on the upper level. Maybe it’s a good day to have a drink at all the bars in Petco Park. You know what else I’ve never seen before? Baseball jail, the rumored holding cells for drunks and streakers deep below the stands.

But is it physically possible to drink at every bar in Petco Park during a single game? That depends on what qualifies as a bar, as opposed to just a serving station for beer or liquor. There are about 200 of these temporary carts scattered through the stands at Petco. For my purposes, a bar has to be an area where you could actually sit and consume your drink, as opposed to carrying it back to your seat.

The only place that I found to be a close call for this definition was the Ballast Point Craft Pier. I decided to count it out for a few reasons: it only serves Ballast Point beer, there’s no stools or extra counter space inviting you to stay at the bar, it is all the way out beyond center field, and it was closed for a private event on this Sunday.

After eliminating other areas only accessible with a certain high-end ticket, this left eight bars within Petco Park. Drinking at eight bars in nine innings sounds like a possible, if not reasonable, thing to attempt, the same way drinking a gallon of milk in an hour doesn’t seem like it should be so hard. Still, it required a plan. I figured out a path that would minimize walking and stair climbing between bars (call it the stumbling salesman problem) and an itinerary which put the bars that stayed open after the 7th inning last. Then I invited two of my friends and experienced drinking buddies out for a day at the ballpark.

Bar #1: Membership Lounge by Herradura

My plan runs into its first hitch before I have my first drink. The Membership Lounge on the main concourse offers $5 beers and margaritas before first pitch for all season ticket members. The 12 oz beers are a moderate way to start, and by the rules I’m making up as I go along, if I drink the last of my beer after the national anthem ends that counts as drinking at this bar during the game. It’s a way to space things out. But, of course, there’s a long line here as everyone tries to get in on the discounted price before first pitch, and most people are ordering two beers or margaritas, making things move even slower. We’re still waiting as The Star-Spangled Banner plays.

When we eventually reach the counter, I can choose among Stella Artois, Elysian, and a domestic light. I go for an Elysian Space Dust IPA. “Are you sure you don’t want two?” suggests the server. Oh, no, your siren song of cheap beers will not distract me from the journey ahead.

I start sipping the beer out on the patio, but through the speakers we hear the radio call of the game beginning. It’s time to take a short trip up the escalator to bar number two, where they have a TV to watch the baseball game happening about 100′ away.

Bar #2: Brigantine Seafood & Oyster Bar

The Brigantine bar is tucked away on the terrace level across a bridge from the main walkway. You have to be looking for it, so there are plenty of empty tables. You can watch the game on the TVs around the bar, or you can look out over the San Diego Convention center and the bay beyond. We settle onto a table and I finish my beer as both teams go in order in the first inning.

I’m also eyeing the bottles on the shelf behind the bar and deciding what’s next. They have a good selection. I remember finding a nice Scotch here when my regular Petco bar was closed for a special event. But I need to stay away from that today. I just want a mild liqueur with a little mixer for my second drink.

I recognize the bartender from my previous visits here, but I neglect to remember his name. Let’s call him ‘Mike’. He looks like a Mike. As I approach the bar, Mike asks if he can get me a beverage. But I hear him ask, “Can I get you a Bay Bridge?”, perhaps being influenced by the sight of the Coronado Bay Bridge just off our port side. This launches us into a discussion of cocktails. (“A Bay Bridge? What’s in a Bay Bridge.” “Do you mean a Bay Breeze? That’s like a Sea Breeze, but with grapefruit juice…”) At the end of this, I find myself leaving the bar with a variation the bar does on a Paloma, which is usually just tequila and grapefruit soda, but this one also has lime juice and orange juice. And it also costs $13.75.

Okay, so I wanted something small and mild and I ended up with a plastic mason jar loaded with tequila. Fortunately, I have plenty of time to consume it as the Padres’ starting pitcher Garrett Richards has given up four runs in the top of the second and is replaced by a reliever with two outs. The Padres only manage one single between three strike-outs in their half. But it’s a sunny day and I’m enjoying my Paloma.

Bar #3: Wonderland Ocean Pub

The Wonderland bar is on the upper level on the first base side. My season tickets are on this level, so Wonderland is my regular spot to grab a beer between innings. They have a good selection, including a few taps dedicated to San Diego’s Resident Brewing, TVs over the bar so you don’t miss any action, and efficient bartenders.

I’m happy to see regular bartender Shawnee behind the bar. Shawnee knows her beer, including both what tastes good and how to get the most bang for your buck at the ballpark. Wonderland used to carry cans of AleSmith Speedway Stout (12% ABV!) and Turquoise Barn Cider (8.9%) on tap, and when good beer costs nearly $15, you may as well go big. But I don’t want the potent stuff today, just a basic pint of Resident’s Perky Blonde ale. “Sorry, no beer on tap today!” says Shawnee.

It turns out there is a problem with the pressurization of the lines, and the dead taps have been draped in funerary black. Now, this is where I know the alcohol is creeping in around the edges. I have the opportunity to survey the beer in cans or pick one of the 7% pre-mixed canned cocktails. Instead, I blurt out, “Oh, then, Maker’s and ginger!”

“Oh, la, la! Fancy!” says Shawnee. I don’t know how a bourbon and ginger is necessarily fancy. It may be unwise at this point in the day. But it’s been my go-to at bars for a while now when I don’t really have something in mind. And my mind has clearly stopped operating at full capacity.

“Ooo! Fancy.” repeats Shawnee as she hands me the drink. It’s $14. I guess it is kinda fancy.

My friends are rationing out their drinks more carefully than I am. One will order a drink at one bar, the other at the next. Their drinks are not gulped down, but carried from bar to bar and sipped. We sit and sip at Wonderland and watch the rest of the third inning unfold. The Padres get a lead-off double from Seth Mejias-Brean, a 28-year-old rookie and September call-up, but can’t plate him.

We’re also chatting with Shawnee between her other customers, letting her in on our plan to hit all eight bars over the course of the game. She doesn’t cock an eyebrow at this. When we tell her we’re heading to the .394 Bar next, she says, “That’s good, because Rodney sometimes closes it early. Tell Rodney I said he’s not allowed to close early today! Haha!” (SIDEQUEST UNLOCKED!)

Bar #4: .394 Restaurant and Bar

The .394 Bar is named for Tony Gwynn’s batting average in the strike-shortened 1994 season, the highest single-season average since Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941. It’s also named .394 because it’s operated in partnership with AleSmith Brewing, who make San Diego .394 Pale Ale as a tribute to Tony Gwynn, with partial profits going to support the Tony and Alicia Gwynn Foundation.

My companions and I ask for Rodney, but it’s just Dudley behind the bar today (SIDEQUEST FAILED). If he wants to close early, I will understand because there are only a handful of people in here in the middle innings. The bar, on the terrace level near the right field foul pole, is somewhat bunker-like with no view of the field.

I get a pint of the .394 Pale Ale ($13), and then I start holding court. With the alcohol building up in my system, I want to tell stories about Tony Gwynn. Long, rambling stories. The bar hosts a collection of silver bats representing Gwynn’s eight batting titles and the five gold glove trophies awarded for his fielding. “You know, he was more proud of the Gold Gloves than the batting titles. Hitting always came naturally to him, but he had to really work on his defense. But he was one of the best defenders in the game, until his knees gave out. Did you know that in Tony Gwynn’s final game, Rickey Henderson got his 3000th hit with the Padres? The Padres had two members of the 3000-hit club playing at the same time for that one day, but Gwynn’s knees kept him out of the field…”

Before I can get too melancholy, there’s a roar from the crowd outside. Because the TVs in the bar have a few seconds delay, we turn to them just in time to see Ty France smack a 2-run homer, narrowing the score to 4-2. Everyone in the bar goes crazy! Actually, my accomplices and I go crazy. A few other patrons applaud, while some don’t look up from their cell phones. But Dudley is into it. I think he’s happy to have a few enthusiastic souls in here with him. We can’t stay, though, we have more bars to visit. Dudley doesn’t know he was lucky to have caught us at the right time, before our sobriety drops off the table like a Trevor Hoffman change-up.

Bar #5: Board & Brew

Board & Brew is a longtime presence in San Diego with locations around the county. At Petco Park, it occupies the top floor of a two-story outbuilding that holds The Draft on the bottom floor. There’s an interior staircase connecting the two, but it’s still two separate businesses and two separate bars by my accounting. So this is our home for at least the next two innings.

The Board & Brew bar is small, only having six stools, so I grab a pint of Ballast Point Swingin’ Friar Ale for me and one for my friend ( 2 for $26) and we find a table under a television.

An aside about AleSmith and Ballast Point, two of the major craft brewers in San Diego, and their beers associated with the Padres: AleSmith introduced .394 Pale Ale in 2014 at Padres BeerFest. The beer labels incorporate a font and colors similar to those used by the Padres ballclub earlier in their history. Because the beer honors Tony Gwynn and benefits charity, the Padres didn’t have an issue at the time with the beer somewhat co-opting their identity. However, AleSmith sells a lot of merchandise with the .394 Pale Ale logo, and I see a lot of it worn at Petco Park. What better way to say, “I love the Padres, and I also love good beer!”

I think the Padres looked at this and said, “Hey, we need some of that sweet merchandise money for ourselves!” So the Padres in 2019 partnered with Ballast Point to produce Swingin’ Friar Ale, which is designated the official craft beer of the Padres. And you can bet they have associated merchandise for sale all over Petco Park. But the fans win, because they are both great beers that are available around the ballpark.

So while you are reading that, I am starting to get pretty drunk. Later on, my handlers tell me that the 6th inning is when I began to look faded. But it’s coming on now in the 5th. The notes I am keeping start to meander away from just what I drank, where, when, and how much it cost. When I go to the restroom on the upscale terrace level, I am startled by the motorized paper towel dispenser, which they don’t have on the other levels. My note for the 5th inning includes: “Scared by paper towels!”.

Bar #6: The Draft by Ballast Point

Treading carefully down the stairs from Board & Brew, we are now in The Draft, where we pull up three stools at their more substantial bar. The sixth inning turns out to be one full of action, both in the ballgame and in our bar. I am still sticking with beer, but here I order a Longfin Lager, which I reason will be lower alcohol and easier drinking, as I am starting to fill up. Our bartender is named Crazy Eyes. Or I should say, we named our bartender “Crazy Eyes”.

The bar here is fairly full and the bartenders are keeping everyone entertained. Not that I need it, because the beer is clearly taking hold. I’m laughing and joking with my enablers and I’m actually grateful that the Padres allow a couple of baserunners because it gives me more time to work through my pint. At some point, three ebullient women sit next to us and put in orders for more cocktails. We tell them that we are going to be visiting all the bars in Petco Park today. I’ll tell anyone at this point. It is a heroic quest I am proud to accept. They say that they are visiting all the bars, too. Ha, ha, no you’re not. You may be considering visiting a number of bars, but I have a drinking plan and a timetable, a route mapped out in my head. You are clearly just winging it.

I don’t say any of this, but I think it. I’m a happy drunk, but also a proud drunk, and given to claims.

Now the women have their drinks and have started flirting with Crazy Eyes. He’s dancing behind the bar, and they are throwing dollar bills at him. We’re just enjoying the chaos. And I’m enjoying not being the drunkest person in here.

I’ve also got one eye on the television, where the Padres have managed to get out of the jam in the top half of the inning and score two runs of their own in the bottom half, evening the score at 4-4. The inning takes half an hour to play, which gives me time to get down my pint of beer. The drinks are soaking in, and I’m starting to drag. But I’ve got a single-minded determination to get to the end of the crawl.

When we leave the bar after the sixth inning, we have to go back up to the terrace level and then all the way over to left field for the last bars. My guardians see that the booze is really starting to hit me and suggest stopping for food. No, no room for food, we only have three innings left. I think I need those last two drinks first. Even though we are ahead of schedule, I see the finish line and I want to cross it!

Bar #8: The Loft

The top of the seventh and we are at our final bar, The Loft! Wait, what? We missed one? Oh, yeah, what about Cutwater! Go back, go back!

Bar #7: The Still presented by Cutwater Spirits

Okay, so I’m not in the best shape at this point. But we reverse course to The Still, which is just next door to The Loft. They have a good selection behind the bar from local distillery Cutwater. And, hey, the bartender remembers us!

The three of us were just in here on Friday as we tried to find some relief near the end of the 9-0 loss. I’m still surprised he remembers us out of all the customers he must serve. Wait, did we cause a scene Friday? I don’t think so. And he seems happy to make us some more drinks, so it must just be that useful bartender memory for faces, not the ‘don’t serve these people’ memory for troublemakers. I get another bourbon and ginger because I’m ordering on autopilot at this point. To be fair to the bartender, I’m pretty good at putting on a sober demeanor, and my two human guard rails actually are more sober than I look like I am.

The Still is a great bar to watch a couple innings of the game at. The seating area is open air and looks out onto the field. We have a good table just back from the rail, so I’m going to enjoy the view and just sip on my little drink. Easy does it.

There’s some good action on the field, too. The Padres put on two runners in the bottom of the seventh but fail to score, and their pitcher works around a 2-out double in the eighth. It’s still 4-4 heading into the bottom of the inning. Of course, I’m reciting these details later from the MLB summary. As I drink, I’m cheering along with every pitch but my brain has done away with any context for them. The Padres in-game entertainment team knows what they are doing, though. In the middle of the eighth, they put on Padres karaoke. The crowd is expected to sing along to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space”, and by now many of us are drunk enough to do so.

Bar #8: The Loft, take two

We are still upright enough to make it into The Loft, our final bar, on the top floor of the old Western Metal Supply building. This is a large area with pool tables and couches, and also a balcony hanging high over the left field stands. But you can’t go out on the balcony without jumping through some hoops to get a wristband, and we’re too late for that so we’re watching from inside.

My keepers recognize that it would be a good idea to get some water into me before my last drink. It’s the bottom of the eighth, and The Loft serves through the end of the game, so there’s no rush. Still, I’ve lapsed into my obstreperous drunk mode, and I’ve decided I don’t want any water. My friend tries me to get me to drink, and I’m making groaning noises that are usually reserved for the hangover the next morning. Because I’m complaining so much, she tries a tactic usually used for babies who won’t eat their strained peas, which is probably an apt comparison at this point. She simply moves the cup of water behind her back, reproduces it, and says, “Here’s your next drink!”

I drink the water, and at first I just think the bar is going real light on the bourbon. But I also begin to sense that the plan may be going off the rails right here at the end. I ask my friend if we remembered to take my picture at the last bar. I ask about eight times. She remembers that we did, I don’t. My fading short-term memory is helpful, though, because I have also already forgotten about the water trick.

In the ninth inning, we get our last drinks of the day. Another Maker’s and ginger for me, and a michelada and Estrella Jalisco for my parole officers. There is also half a bag of popcorn left on the table by a previous guest. I have finally decided that I am hungry and I begin to eat the popcorn.

But it’s done! Drinks at all eight bars in Petco Park over the course of the game. I’m still not really following the flow of the game, but I cheer when the crowd cheers and try to focus on the TV across the room. The Padres go through their half of the ninth without scoring a run after Kirby Yates shuts down the Diamondbacks in the top of the inning, but for once the Padres inability to hit is a good thing for me. We’re going to extra innings, so I have time to sip my last beverage. I should probably take one sip, declare victory, and leave the rest. But I’m not going to waste good bourbon, and it goes well with the popcorn.

The Escape

Now it’s just up to the Padres’ players how much time I have to sober up. The extra innings give me a little extra time, but not much. In the tenth inning, Seth Mejias-Bream, the Padres’ 28-year-old rookie, hits a walk-off home run. The final score is 6-4. This time, the bar really does go crazy. A walk-off homer, no matter how meaningless the game, is exciting, and everyone is whooping and clapping as the Padres celebrate at home plate.

With a week left in the season, this is the last game the Padres would win this year.

The official game time is 3:42, which is more than I bargained for, but I also drank more aggressively than I planned. Big beers and too much liquor have me left pretty wobbly. People are being gently shooed towards the exits now. I make a pit stop at the restroom and then my human gutter bumpers and I try to make our escape.

As you leave Petco Park, there are police stationed near the exits along with the security guards. They are mostly there to make sure nobody takes alcohol out of the stadium and onto the street, but they are also looking for trouble in the crowd. I’m walking awkwardly at this point, shuffling my legs.

“Are you okay?” my friend asks me.

I’m actually shuffling my legs to keep my pants from falling down. I didn’t adjust my belt correctly after leaving the men’s room, and I’m now realizing it. So I stop and reach down to adjust my belt. I don’t notice the police staring at me, but my friends do. The thing about drunkenly adjusting your belt in a crowd of people, is that when a policeman sees you doing it, he doesn’t know if you are trying to pull your pants up, or trying to take them off.

But fortunately, after what my friends later tell me was a too-lengthy pause, I am able to get my belt hitched correctly and get back on my way. The police, presumably satisfied that if I am drunk I am at least not too disorderly, turn their attention somewhere else.

I had taken a Lyft to the ballpark, and my friends get me into another Lyft heading home. They give my driver specific instructions that I am supposed to go straight to my house. Not “that great bar with all the Scotch!”. They’re good friends. I make it home and even hold onto the newspaper I was scrawling all my notes onto. That and my cell phone photos help me piece the late innings back together and put it all down here.

So, yes, it is possible to drink at every real bar in Petco Park and still stay out of baseball jail. You just need a little planning and a lot of cash. And since Randy Jones is retired and no longer pitching sub-two-hour games, you can even get a little bit sloppy with your plan when you do it. You just may want to DVR the game if you want to remember exactly what happened.